You would think that choosing to live in a life-affirming way is easy. More often than not, the life-affirming route is the more challenging route.
I know the “I can’t” voice very well. It shows up as:
> I can’t….have that tough conversation with a person I need to because I am afraid of hurting them.
> I can’t….spend the money on my growth, even though I’m tired of the same struggle.
> I can’t….overcome my emotional blocks, I’ve tried.
What I am truly thankful for is the gift of choice. With choice is how you will evolved from one stage of growth to the next.
The can’t stage is present in order to experience how limiting and contracting living this way feels. The can’t stage is the contrast to your desires. As you continue to say “I can’t,” you will continue to experience greater pain until you are willing to venture into the next stage, the I Can….But stage. The but is where you see that saying yes to yourself feels like it comes with a catch. The catch is you are being called to face your fears and shame.
The “I can” stage shows up as:
>> I CAN have the tough conversation but I am too afraid of feeling rejected by another and feeling unlovable. The easier route is to not have the conversation.
>> I CAN spend the money on my growth but am afraid others will reject me for my “foolishness.” The easier route is to reject myself first.
>> I CAN overcome my emotional blocks but deep down I know I’ll have to go through the pain of giving up some of my vices. These old stories, habits & beliefs allow me to avoid the areas of my life that really need my love and attention. The easier route is to stay the same rather than be the freed up version of myself.
The “I can” stage is painful because you are being called to choose love over fear, which is so scary. This is a difficult stage because in your heart, you’ll be longing for change but your unconscious fears will keep a “stop sign” up to your desires.
The great news is that your emotional sensitivity will support you to move out of the limbo land of “I Can” by heightening your pain until you are willing to move to the “I MUST!” stage.
>>> I MUST have the conversation, even if it pains me to do it, because doing so is the most truly loving act to do. I will free the other person and myself from a disempowered and enmeshed relationship to one of greater love, regardless of the outcome.
>>> I MUST spend money, even if I don’t believe I have any to spare. If I want to learn at a new level from others who have truly overcame what I am looking to overcome, I MUST own that I am worth the investment in myself, my life, my happiness.
>>> I MUST find a new way to relate to my emotions, even though they are painful to address. My current relationship with my feelings isn’t working l and I deserve true happiness.
This November, I invite you to be thankful for having the gift of choice. There is choice in each stage. Even in the I MUST stage, you will experience disappointment and you get to choose to retreat or keep moving forward.
Life’s outcomes are simply a series of choices. The more you can make your choices based from love and expansion versus fear, loss, contraction and lack, the more you’ll recognize greater love, within yourself, others, & life.
I Can’t I CAN I MUST